I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
