idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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