i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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