Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
