God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fuck appropriateness.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
