so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
