I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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