3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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