I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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