i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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