6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
