He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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