So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
