Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
