he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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