I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
