I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
