ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
