WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
