even my farts smell like vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize