I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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