she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
