rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
