My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Randomize
