He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
