Moan for me like Helen Keller
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
