I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
