dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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