We're facebook friends in real life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I love you. Go after that dick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
