I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
