he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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