I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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