Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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