I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk is not a location!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
