alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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