So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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