Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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