We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize