Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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