Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just had sex bonerless
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
