my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
