Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
