I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
