Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
