I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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