yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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