Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
