she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
