Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
