somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
