i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
