Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
