Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
