we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
