I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
