can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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