i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
