road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
