the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
