Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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