she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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