i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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