I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
