the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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