New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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