i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
