I can tuck mytits in my pants
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
