I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
