Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
